There is a certain comfort in being helpless… assuming that you know the point of your helplessness. As I have written, I found out about medical school recently. I am going to school for sure. God has been faithful in that arena, and glory be to him for it. And I mean it…
When I found out that I was on the waitlist, I was disappointed (as I wrote about in this space previously). As time went on, I began preparing for the possibility that I was not going to get into school this year. I was praying about taking the MCAT again, and I was praying about whether this was even the will of God or if it was my will that I was trying to impose on God. The feeling of helplessness grew. The feeling of being totally out of control began to creep up and bite me.
That was the way it should have been. I believe that God is completely and totally sovereign. By that, I mean that He is in complete control of everything that happens to me (and for that matter, to all people). I believe that nothing can befall him and nothing can surprise. If you do something and think to yourself that you have pulled a fast one on God, keep thinking that… it is a dream, a wish, a fantasy. If God does not control everything that happens in this world, then we have no reason to think or believe that He controls anything in this world. It is the “all or none principle” (also, interestingly enough, a principle of muscle contraction). So when I started feeling this helplessness and frustration, I didn’t necessarily think that meant anything in and of itself. God answers prayers and does not grant wishes all the time, even though they come from fervent prayers of Godly men and women. He knew and had worked it out that I would get in this year, on the very day that I found out. But the answer at the time was “wait awhile” for a reason – He wanted to grow me. He wanted to teach me. He wanted to do something with my heart that a “yes” two months ago would have not accomplished.
I was with my dad a good bit this weekend in Birmingham. My dad is a pillar of faith. Although we differ in some ways, my dad is one of the wisest men I know. He has been spot on in so many ways. Many of the little sayings that I have and the ways I live my life are direct quotes and exact replicas of who he is (sometimes for worse, mostly for better). One of the things that I have said before (but that he reminded of) is this… “When something happens that is unexplainable, that is beyond your control, know that God has you there for a reason, and enter with confidence.” That is the way that I have been thinking about this glorious gift that I have been given. Getting into medical school is totally and completely a gift. It is nothing of my own doing. If I were to say that I worked hard and that I deserved it, I would be putting myself in place of God, because who was it that gave me the brain to understand concepts and ideas that enabled me to test well enough to get into school? On another front, my grades are average, maybe even slightly below average for medical students. My MCAT scores are slightly below average for medical students. I don’t have as much clinical experience as other people who got in, and probably not as much as some people who didn’t get in. While I think that my letters of recommendation were from good sources, there are probably people who had better.
Why do I say this? Because I want to be self-deprecating so as to make myself look humble? Absolutely not. The reason I say this is to make sure that you know the reason I got into school. It is a matter of grace - unmerited, undeserved favor and esteem. That, incidentally, is the reason why we have everything we have. Everything that we have, good and bad, is a matter of grace. Every good in our life is a blood-bought gift, a gift that we would not have had He (Jesus Christ) not died. Every bad thing that God turns to good is the same. So when people congratulate me, I try (though not as well as I should) to remind them of this point. It is not me. I Corinthians 15:10, cliche though it may be, is truth: “By the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me.” I want to live my life so that the things that occur in my life can only be explained by saying “God did it.” And you know what? That is comforting. Do you know how much stress that takes out of the equation? Do you know how much anxiety that will relieve?
Just to be sure I am understood, this is not a call to laziness. I am about to enter into a professional program that will demand work that I have never been subjected to. I will have to work hard, and that is my calling. But the issue is not ultimately how hard I work, but how God works though me and in my hard work. As was the case in getting in, I want people to be able to point towards God when they look at my success in medical school. I want them to say, “There must be something to his relationship with God, because there is no way in the world he could have done that by himself.” That would be the highest compliment I could be given – not “man, you’re sure working hard” or “wow, look at him go,” but “Wow, isn’t God good? Isn’t He powerful? I want to know more about Him.”
You’re fabulous- what a gift God gave me when he made you my brother. I love you, and I continue to learn something new from you every day. Thank you for being such a beacon of light to our Savior in a seemingly darkening world. I LOVE YOU.
Praise God from whom all things flow. Thank you for this post…pointing to our Hope and Purpose.
Jen
Sorry for another comment…but it reminds me of Romans 12:1-2. This is the way to live out life in worship to God as you enter med school and study and live. This is the way of not conforming to the pattern of this world and being transformed by the renewing of your mind with his truth.
First and foremost, congratulations not only for your hard work, but for your faith, because that is what was ultimately honored, by God, when you got in. Wow, I have to admit, I’m a little perplexed as to how I ended up on your site and specifically this post. I stumbled across your blog while trying to educate myself more on Obama’s health care policy after reading his most recent answers to the 2008 science debate questions at http://www.sciencedebate2008.com/www/index.php?id=40. After I read it, I thought, great ideas! At what cost though? What’s it going to cost me, my family, my career as a doctor? Having doubt in my understanding of his current policy, I decided to google the current talk about his health care plans and ended up here.
As to why I’m here, I think God wanted to share your testimony with me to encourage and remind me what exactly it is I’m doing and how I am in the position I am in now. You see, your testimony has an incredible amount of similarities to my own as far as getting into medical school is concerned. I am here by the grace of God, simple as that. Nothing I did on my own, could have placed me here. In fact I didn’t even get in the first time around, but that’s another story. Its been prophesied over my life that my journey will parallel some aspects of the life of Gideon and I will be the first to say, I have definitely felt the similarities time and again. With Gideon it was all about the unexplainable accomplishments that can only be attributed to the grace of God. Its been that way for me. Like Gideon and the original 300 (not like King Leonidas and his spartans spin off movie) its never been about the numbers for me… the amount of troops I took into battle… It was all about my faith; being steadfast and trusting in what the Lord has promised, receiving it, and watching it manifest on God’s time. Now after 4 years of medical school, I feel I’ve been chipped away at and refined into the doctor God wants me to be. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that the chipping and refining process was easy or even enjoyable. To be quite honest it just plain ’sucked’ (apologize, can’t think of a more conservative word at the moment, cause I’m pooped), but it was necessary and I look back and see why.
So here I am, studying to take my Step 2 in 3 days, filling out my applications for residencies and graduating in November (off cycle, something better left explained elsewhere). These last 2 months have been scary and difficult. Everything has been uncertain when it comes to this new application process and how well I’ll do on this last board exam or where me and my wife will end up for residency. If anything these uncertainties have been taxing, because I’ve been ‘pressing in’ per se trying to stay the course, trying not to break, trying not to think ‘its took hard’, and give up. Then amidst all of the things going on around me I come across this testimony, and I’m reminded of my own, and realize He’s still at work. “Wow, isn’t God good? Isn’t He powerful?” you asked. Yes, yes he is and it doesn’t hurt to be reminded of it every now and then. Your testimony is very refreshing for me and has definitely beefed up my spirits some this evening. If you’re anything like me, you’ll find its very easy to get caught up in the stresses of medical school (you’ll see when you get there, its everything you imagined, and quite a lot more). Be mindful of what you have right here with this gift from the Lord, and don’t lose sight of the wisdom you’ve learned through this process. Its great that wrote it down actually, something I wish I had done when I found out I got into medical school, so that I could have referred to it during those low times when things got rough.
You know, I think I got way long winded with what I though was going to be a few lines of a reply. Thanks again for your testimony, it was uplifting. I have a refreshed perspective now with this whole application process. Its not about the numbers, its all about Him, his plan, and my faith in all of it.
You have comfirmed to me that my undermost feelings my heart has towards the good I have been blessed with is from the work of our Lord. He is indeed the One who does all that happens, unexplainable, uncontrollable, and unthinkable..Some people hear me speak like that about my blessings and just agree but don’t really believe..They look at me and nod but don’t understand..If God was not the One whose work was put in for us, His Blessings showering us, His plan written for us, than we would probably not amount to anything..
I myself am working to get into medical school..and I myself am very scared..Like you I have a slightly below average gpa compared to others, experience that others can destroy in comparison to mine so far, and work very very hard to a point to where I get so stressed, I get sick and need a week to recover..But one thing I have that not as many people do is my Trust, Love, and Recognition in the Lord that He will take care of me..and the fact that I put my life and future in His hands will Godwilling bless me with the gift of being a Medical Doctor…I admit, I am blessed to have the intelligence I have from God, but so many can probably make me look dumb..yet I do not worry too much because I truly believe God is wrapping me in His arms and protecting me from such negativity..Amen to that..
I reached your post through a direct hit on the search for “how many people got into medical school?” I googled this line, because I was looking for an ego boost. I am in my 7th week of gross anatomy currently. I wanted to find some data that would make me feel better. You made me remember. It was not me at all. It was God all along.
god is a lie we tell ourselves to feel hope.
I will be applying to med school and have and had many of the same emotions and conditions that you mentioned. Praise God. He is constantly surprising me! What I love most about your post and the Lord is that we do not reap everything that we sew because of His Mercy. I can remember not studying quite up to par on many occasions and by God’s grace I received a high and underserved A+. What a mighty God we serve! He loves us so much and I am soo happy for you brother. I have a wife and 4 children and it has been really tough but I am drawing closer and closer to Him each day. In a way, I enjoy being under pressure because I know I have a might Father who will protect me from all encrouching danger. Keep the faith and I appreciate your encouragement!!!
God is not a lie.
I am a practicing Muslim. I’m in college now, and want to go to med school. In my stress due to finals this week, I happened to google search: “How I got into med school”–hoping to find tips on how previous students have gotten into med school. Then I found your site. As a Muslim (even though your post was from a Christian perspective), I must say that it reminded me of the fact that whatever I might do now or may attempt to achieve is nothing but God’s will. My trust must be upon God and that His decrees are for my best–whatever the outcome may be. Thank you for that and may God bless you and guide you.
Syeda-
I hope med school works out for you. Thanks for visiting and commenting on my blog. Check in for updates…
Thank you for your post. I take the MCAT tomorrow and up until now I have been very stressed with trying to control everything. Thanks for the reminder that I am not really in control at all. I felt a peace of heart reading your post, and I hope I can carry that with me as I take the MCAT tomorrow and as I continue applying. I am in the same boat–gpa slightly lower than medical school averages (and while we have yet to see about the MCAT, my practice scores are slightly below average, too). I think God led me to this post for a reason. I thank Him for it! And for the first time in a long time, I shall let go and let God, as the saying goes.
Thank you so much! I needed this as I am studying for the MCAT, and it has become so stressful (this application process) that sometimes that though I have the tools, it’s up to Him to guide me and ultimately lead me to my destiny. May God continue to bless you as you begin your career in medicine.